Oh no not again

As I try
to get by
to get better
to stay better
but as much as I try
I go back and I lie

The warm feeling
leaves me reeling
the dark maroon
makes me feel in tune
its not good I know
but it helps when I’m feeling low

turns and twists
bloody wrists
the need starts to grow
this is bad I know

I don’t want to die
I want to be alive
but I want to feel
know if this life is real

the numbness I want to escape
the pain a giant drape
maybe I have a couple screws loose
the world strangling me like a noose